Freedoms and challenges of single life from a man's perspective
Finances, stigma, and lack of personal development
Photo: Lukas Rychvalsky/Unsplash
BC Today with Michelle Eliot at CBC Vancouver recently had a show about the pros and cons of single life. The clip I'm sharing here includes an interview with Tommy, gay man in his 40s who has been single his entire life.
“The pros of that would be to have the freedom and flexibility to do what I want to do, when I want to do it,” Tommy said. “It has allowed me to travel and do that on my own schedule.”
Agreed! I like this freedom and flexibility, too.
Tommy talked about the cons of being single, including what he called the “discrimination” in the food and beverage industry and how single customers are treated by staff, particularly where he is seated in a restaurant.
“They would rather stuff that single, lonely person off into a corner rather than at the prime table with the prime viewing with the prime location because who wants to see a single person eating alone,” he said.
Tommy said certain industries, such as cruises, promote the coupled and married lifestyle, so singles often face a financial penalty for travelling on their own. Tommy said this financial penalty on cruise ships is called the “single supplement,” which means a singleton on the cruise is actually paying more than what a couple on that same cruise is paying. Such financial penalties are huge issue for single people. We pay more than married couples in many ways. I have another blog on such financial penalties coming soon, and will address that in that post.
But there was one con Tommy mentions that’s an interesting one: what he called “the lack of personal development.”
“I have always felt there was something missing in my life and that feeling won’t go away simply because I don’t have that someone else to be able to test me, to be able to challenge me, to be able to force me to exercise those muscles that have been stagnant my entire life because of my single status,” Tommy said.
It’s true that family, friends, coworkers, children, and others can “challenge” anyone in the ways Tommy mentioned. But it’s also true that when you’re single, you’re also left to figure out a lot on your own. There’s not always that backup close by.
This was a really emotional interview, and I’m glad Tommy called to share his experiences. Part of reducing the stigma of being single is sharing stories. I was also interested in hearing from a single man because I think they face different challenges and stigmas than single women.
Of course, feel free to share your thoughts below.
You can watch the entire clip here: