I spent six hours last Saturday shovelling horse shit. This was my choice. I joined the barn chore team where I take my horseback riding lessons and where, every once in a while, I will scoop poop and give water to the farm’s 30 horses.
It wasn’t all work. I got to spend time petting and taking photos of the horses, including the nine sweet and funny foals that were born this spring. Horses, even when I clean up after them and even if my back is sore now, are my peace.
So, what does this have to do with being single? Well, quite a bit.
It was four years ago I was in my last short-term relationship, which was filled with drama, gossip, nonsense, and more shit than I shovelled in those horse paddocks. While relationships require compromise, that one would have required long-term significant change of myself. I wrote about this before, but being in this relationship was my own responsibility. To say I have learned from it would be an understatement.
I remember in the thick of it thinking if this doesn’t work out, I’d stay single, at least for a while. That turned out not only to be what would happen, but was a far better option than that relationship.
People are often told of the story of The One. You know, the one person who is your ultimate match, your soulmate. That’s quite an expectation when you really think about it. I’d argue that you already ARE The One, and anyone and anything else good that comes into your life is icing on the cake. In the 1996 movie “Jerry Maguire,” Renée Zellweger may have said “you complete me” to Tom Cruise’s character, but really the line should be “you complement me.” I guess that wouldn’t make for a hit rom-com, though.
I will probably have to keep saying this, but I am definitely not anti-relationship. I would certainly go out on a date. At 53, I feel pretty content with everything. My now adult daughter is fabulous, I love my work, I love the horses, I love my adventures, and I love my peace. I did admit to friends recently I think the guys in those ads for incontinence products for men are very good looking. Anyway…
One of my dear younger friends is now in a relationship with a lovely young man after she did the online dating thing for years. Online dating, as some of you may know, can be a nightmare. That friend’s relationship seems to be working well, and I’m very happy for her.
My daughter is dating a nice young man who is kind, well spoken, and treats her well. She treats him well, too, and they have a lot of fun. His family loves her, which is what a mom to a great kid hopes for them.
But my friend and my daughter are more than enough on their own. They are The Ones, as are those who are reading this post, as am I. Your soulmate can be a friend, a family member, your child, and it most can certainly be yourself.
Okay, that’s it for now as this post is getting too mushy. Also, I’m off to the farm soon to go riding. Can a horse be The One? Asking for a friend ;)
As always, thank you for reading!
Suzanne
The One and Only